"this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple" (Psalm 27:4)
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Name: purplepiano
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Member Since: 10/3/2002

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Monday, December 22, 2008

As heartbreaking as this song is, I love it so much!
At first I didn't get the full picture of what the song was saying in the verses, but after watching the music video it clicked. Very well-crafted song!
It's written in the viewpoint of a daughter whose alcoholic father physically abuses her mom. While the daughter is at the Independence Day fair in town, her mom kills both herself and her abusive husband, hence gaining her own independence that day.

After I saw the music video, I couldn't watch it again because it's too graphic and the pain is too real, but here is the link if you want it:
It's sooooooooo sad :(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYENO6r5vVo
(the song starts 30 seconds into the video)

Independence Day
written by Gretchen Peters
performed by Martina McBride

Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again
But daddy left the proof on her cheek
And I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day

Well word gets a round in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
Mama was proud and she stood her ground
But she knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered and some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day

CHORUS:
Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today
Is a day of reckoning
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, Let the guilty pay, It's
Independence Day

Well she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames
and took down some names
And send me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day

chorus


Monday, December 15, 2008

perfect verses

haha! I was browsing music on youtube and found the most perfect song to describe my situation. It's so perfect, it's kind of funny. It's really the verses that hold more meaning for me than the chorus.

By none other than one of my favorite songwriters, Avril Lavigine!

I wish I had written many of the songs she's written.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqGftbU53v0

Everytime you go away
It actually kinda makes my day
Everytime you leave
You slam the door

You pick your words so carefully
You hate to think you're hurting me
You leave me laughing on
The floor

Chorus:
Cause I don't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I don't give it up, I don't give a damn
What you say about that
You know I'm not gonna cry, about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that

I thought we were just hanging out
So why'd you kiss me on the mouth
You thought the way you taste
Would get me high

You went to all your friends to brag
Guys are always such a drag
Don't you know the reason that I kissed you was to
Say goodbye


Hanging hanging out, I am simply
Hanging hanging out, I am simply
Hanging so why'd you kiss me on the mouth?

Don't you know that I...

I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I don't give a damn about you
I won't give it up not for you
I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy
A guy who thinks he's all that

I don't give it up
I don't give a damn what you say about that
You know I don't give it up
I don't give a damn what you say about that


Saturday, December 06, 2008

roller coaster ride

This was the craziest semester ever. Crazy crazy CRAZYYYYYYYY. In terms of schoolwork everything was normal, but the rest of my life was just INSANE. Just a roller coaster of emotions! I want to be done riding it! I've never experienced anything like it. It's a never ending ride with constant highs and lows and LOOPS everywhere...when is it going to stop?!?!?!?!!!!

Finals week. It comes to an abrupt halt.

Until then, I'll try not to throw up.


planning, preparing, praying

I was planning on moving west sometime in 2010. I wanted to work in Ithaca and save up a bit before I move to a completely new area not knowing a single person there. Being financially secure and having a solid work experience under my belt were the reasons for wanting to wait a year after I graduate before moving.

But now, I'm starting to rethink it and leave my options open even further. I could always move at the end of the summer after I graduate (no chance I'm missing an Ithaca summer! Perhaps it'll even be my last one for a while). As much as I love Ithaca, I'm too eager to start life in this "new place."

But THEN, my reason for wanting to stay in Ithaca until 2010 changed. If I were to stay an extra year, it would be because I want to spend the year securing solid relationships with the people I know here. Friends from school, church, work, CU fellowship, everywhere! Just working and living life like I am now, except school won't be a part of it so I won't be as tied-down hopefully. It also wouldn't hurt to meet more people along the way :)

At least I have an outline to work with, and then God can edit and give me the revised (or completely new and unexpected) version sometime along the way :)


No pain, no gain

Even though it's four a.m. right now, I have the urge to write. I think the best times to write is when one is feeling strong emotions at the moment. So here goes my typing trying to put into words my non-stop thinking at the moment....

One of the worst feelings I've felt during freshman year was not caring about something, but at the same time caring about it. This was applied to a specific situation in my life, and three years later today (during the SAME time period in the fall semester), I'm feeling it again with a different situation. It's ironic how even the events that played out were similar from freshman year. The topic: dating relationships.

My entire last "dating" relationship was based on deception. It started from before we even dated, to while we were dating, to even now, after the relationship has been over for almost four weeks. I won't write about the details in here; you'll have to ask me personally and I might tell you.

As much as I don't want to get back to dating him again, why do I feel like I would if I could? Or perhaps it's more of a "I want to but I definitely know I shouldn't, so I'll lie to myself and say I don't want to, even though I do." Why does this feel painful? Is it my spirit struggling to let go of what needs to go? Perhaps it is. I really want something that wouldn't be the best for me, but the The Holy Spirit's conviction in me is much too strong to go against.

I am the one mostly at fault for causing this situation. I could have prevented it altogether! When it comes down to it, I shouldn't even have entered into the relationship. Should have said no. There were many opportunities to have said no or back out, but I was intentionally rebelling against myself (and more importantly, God). Sadly, I was fully aware of how foolish I was being, yet not caring. I'm back to normal now thankfully! and came out of this whole situation with a better understanding of God. The words of the worship songs on Sunday mornings actually held deep meaning to me when I sang them. They were statements I was expressing from the depths of my freshly wounded heart; finding comfort in Him never gets old.

As I wrote about a few posts back, I can't express how grateful I am to have gone through what I did. But with gain there IS pain. There's no way I could have gained what I did without experiencing any pain. Interesting how life works. But I suppose the good news is that the gains will always stay with me, whereas the pains won't. It's frustrating, but I just hope I can use this experience for His glory someday.

Life without knowing God and his ways really would be confusing. I can't imagine how lost I'd be.

_____________________

I'll end this with a song: Tied Together With a Smile by Taylor Swift

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAzbyBRqPiA

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking your not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you

Chorus:
Hold on, baby you're losing it
The waters high, you're jumping into it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
'Cause you've given it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay
Not his price to pay

Chorus (2x)

You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
Goodbye, baby
With a smile, baby, baby



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